Title: " Fast Times at Macedon High" -- Chapter One (1/WIP)
Author: CharlieMC camelotslash-1 at qwest.net
Fandom: Alexander the Great
Date: December 8, 2004
Archive: Sure, contact me first, please [template must stay with fic]
Archived at: CamelotSlash.com -- http://www.camelotslash.com
Fandom: Alexander the Great
Category: humor, slash, het, AU (alternate universe)
Pairings: Currently, Alexander/Bagoas, sort of! (Colin Farrell and Francisco Bosch)
Disclaimer: Don't own them and mean no infringement or disrespect. Alexander the Great (and others) belong to the ages and not to me! No money made, it's merely for fun.
Summary: There are some fast times at Macedon high school!
Warnings for this chapter: Totally AU (alternate universe), adult language, drugs, alcohol, other mature subjects... [there will be additional warnings in upcoming chapters]
Beta: Thanks to FatJoey for his wonderful help.
Dedication: To Phoenix K -- thanks for the fun challenge!
Written for two of the three Alexander the Great lists I co-moderate at Yahoo! groups:
Alexander-the-Great-Fanfic
Alexander-the-Great-Slash
...and our Colin Farrell list:
Colin-Farrell-Slash
Author notes: Written in response to a fic challenge, posted here
The actual challenge: Write a story with all the characters in modern times and make the boys teenagers!
This is based *strongly* on Oliver Stone's 2004 epic movie, "Alexander." (There are some inside jokes here you won't get if you haven't seen the film.)

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The two teenage boys ambled down through the main hall of their high school, ignoring the admiring glances of the other students. They were both dressed in letterman jackets, jeans and expensive athletic shoes and both wore their hair long -- though one was blond and the other had dark brown locks.

"It's such a bitch when your dad is the principal of the school," Alexander -- the blond -- whined for the sixth time that morning. "He pays way too much attention to what I'm doing. And to my grades."

"Maybe so, but your mother is the hottest school counselor I've ever seen. So I think it's got to balance out somewhere," Hephaistion replied, ogling the lovely Olympias as she walked past him down the hall.

"Look, I'd appreciate it if you'd quit making those kinds of comments about my mom, Heph. It really sucks."

"Sorry, guy! I try, you know? Hey, did I see that weird exchange student kid hitting on you by your locker this morning?"

"You mean Bagoas?" Alexander asked.

"Yeah, that's the one. What's with his clothes, anyway?"

"Look who's talking, dude! "

"Speaking of being hit on, Alex, I think our gym teacher has it for you, big time," Hephaistion said, smirking at his friend.

"Come on! You shouldn't talk that way about Coach Cleitus!" Alexander's indignant tone wasn't entirely convincing...

"Look, I'm calling it as I see it. The Coach stares at you more than that weirdo does. By the way. did you know Bag... Bog... Look, how the hell do you say his name?"

"Bag-oh-as," Alexander replied, using his annoying 'patient' voice.

Hephaistion ignored the know-it-all tone. "Right. Bagoas. Anyway, that guy is on the school dance team. How queer can you get, anyway? And dancing with a bunch of other faggot guys, no less."

"Whatever. Look, at least he's quiet. So who cares if he follows me around all the time?"

"He's totally annoying! He acts like such a girl. And this thing where he waits on you all the time has totally got to quit."

Alexander sighed. "Can you give it a rest? I mean, you've been using the same kind of liner on your eyes all week. Didn't you think I'd noticed, or what?"

"Don't be such an ass, Alex! I'm in the school play! All the guys have to wear eyeliner."

"Right. You wear more eyeliner and eyeshadow than my Mom."

"Screw you and the horse you rode in on."

They both punched each other in a friendly macho fashion.

"Hey, Cassander has his dad's car. Want to skip classes after lunch and go get high? I got some great weed from Philotas."

"I suppose we'd have to drag him along then, huh?" Alexander complained.

"Only fair, man."

"Shit, he's such a drag. Oh well. But, look, let's go to my house, then. Dad's got a meeting with the school board this afternoon, so he'll be really late. And Mom's meeting with the teacher-parent group. Anyway, I was supposed to heat up leftovers for dinner."

"I think your dad has more than a meeting going on."

"No shit. I've seen him hanging around that substitute teacher Eurydice when he thinks Mom's not looking."

"Alex, I'd swear she's knocked up," Hephaistion said, leaning in toward Alexander and lowering his voice.

"Absolutely. No question about it," Alexander whispered back. "You should have heard my Mom yelling at Dad last night! Man, I thought she was going to scratch out one of his eyes, or something!"

"I so cannot see how your dad can look at Eurydice when he's married to your mom. She's a total goddess -- even if she does substitute teach biology and likes playing with snakes."

"Can you knock it off about my Mom, already?"

Hephaistion dug his elbow into Alexander's ribs. "Like you don't know what I'm talking about! Hey, I saw her rubbing those big tits of hers against you the last time I dropped by your house. You know she's hot! Admit it."

Alexander shot Hephaistion a black look, but didn't bother answering.

"Look, don't get in one of your sulks, okay? Can I help it if your mom is the sexiest woman in town?" Hephaistion said, offering Alexander a winning smile.

"Okay, but I wish you wouldn't jerk off looking at our family pictures. It's totally weird."

"Cheaper than buying 'Playboy,'" Hephaistion replied, grinning.

"Well, I'll pass a note to Cassander during Aristotle's boring history class. He'll never notice. So you tell Philotas during gym and we'll skip lunch and take off. And we've still got some wine left from that last party."

"Shit, somebody cut it with water!" Hephaistion complained. "It tasted awful!"

"It's still booze," Alexander said. "And what about some junk food for the munchies?"

"I've got some bucks. We can stop by McDonald's and get burgers and fries."

"Great. And we can watch some of my Dad's porn tapes."

"Just as long as we don't have to watch that one where the guy is bending that dude over and butt fucking him. Man, that looked painful!"

Alexander appraised Hephaistion before answering. "Well, I thought we might want to have a little circle-jerk, frankly. If you're up for that. But if you'd rather bring along some girls..."

Hephaistion blushed. "Naw. That sounds okay with me, Alex. But that movie was a downer, you have to admit. But speaking of butt fucking, here comes that pussy Bagoas."

"Hi, Iskander," the shy boy said, staring at the blond.

"Hey, Bagoas. Aren't you supposed to be in class, or something?"

"I brought you a sweatshirt, for after practice," Bagoas replied, extending the neatly folded garment. Behind Bagoas' back, Hephaistion was gesturing for Alexander to get rid of him.

"Thanks. But we don't have practice 'til tomorrow night."

Bagoas blushed prettily and gazed up at Alexander through his heavily mascaraed eyelashes. "Sorry. I could bring it by after school tomorrow," he suggested, tone hopeful.

"Sure. You do that. But we'll have to talk later. I'll be late for class if I don't dash."

The warning bell rang and students began to scatter.

"I'll catch you later, Alex," Hephaistion called, sprinting off.

Alexander turned to face his young admirer. "Hey, Bagoas, you need to try not to be so shy. You know what they say -- fortune favors the bold!"

He offered the attractive boy a brilliant smile as he turned to leave. "See you tomorrow."

-end part one-